shhh…

You are my everything..

My Nothing at all..

My heart break..

The beautiful melody i cant get out my head

You make me fall

i try to stand tall

my heart shes second hand

from all those times of being forsaken

i need you by my side

speak now or forever sshhh

your fingers on my lips

i’ll never taste again.

Demon Wish

This Life Of Winter Storms
Has Pulled Me Back And Forth
I Feel Like a Lost Soul
Beaten, Battered & Completely Torn
Insert Your Cankered Believe In My Heart
Let My Dying Wish Be Known As A Demon Form
Vomit, Dispute Everything You Could Ever Be
Belief Has Me Torn Limb From Limb.

I have realized the reality..

As I sit in the car waiting for my day to begin, I start realizing that I am not alive because I want to be, I am alive because it is expected of me.

The amount of times I have found myself smiling when thinking that if I die right now, there and then, my soul could finally rest, my mind would finally stop processing thoughts and I would not have this heartache every single day. I don’t know how long I will be able to keep smiling knowing it’s a lie and knowing deep down that this life I have chosen for myself was the biggest mistake ever..

I am not alive because I want to be, I am suffering and people don’t always understand that. They don’t know. They will never know.  I want peace and quiet. I have completely given up on myself.

But I can’t tell my friends or family about this, no. I will just be a failure in their eyes and it will be “selfish” of me to think such things, but yet again, it’s what the universe expects from me.

I want quiet, I want to rest.

I have too many people expecting me to not give up and here I am, no smile on my face, not wanting to talk to anybody, but I am doing what everyone else expects of me, im alive and “fighting” .

At the end of the day I also have to come to the realization that if I leave this life, I will leave behind so many people that do care about me.

But I am still sitting here hoping for better days.

Maybe this will happen soon enough.

Greg Watson, The boy that never should have Played Drums.

Greg Watson, The boy that never should have Played Drums.

This is my Boyfriend, Greg Watson. As you can gather from the picture, he is in his happy place doing what he does best, Play Drums.
He is in a Thrash Metal Band called Casket SA.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret… He has Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease, which means he should not even be able to play Drums, Yet… Look at him…. Pushing himself beyond his limits.

I am so proud of him.

I took this picture at one of his gigs and i made a few edits.

Wandering Eyes and Burning Lips

Wandering Eyes and Burning Lips

This is a Picture i took of myself.
Not interested in the original, but what came from a simple edit.
Absolutely nothing personal attached to this picture, just a silly little “story” .

” My Eyes wide with hope, My heart searching for Love, My Breath cold as ice and my lips burn with your secrets. Kiss me one last time, Before you leave. Kiss me one more time into infinity. “